No Surrender
I have never in my life encountered a more driven individual than Darryn Yates. Had he not a lick of talent nor his striking good looks I don't doubt he would succeed through sheer will and steadfast determination alone.
"How do you keep doing it?" I posed. "How do you keep fighting for it with such a hunger?"
"I am stubborn", he explained, passionate. "I know I can do it. I'm willing to do anything."
Michael is as talented as an artist but he is so easily discouraged and not unlike myself, prone to depression. He makes little effort to develop or showcase his abilities when he could be preparing a portfolio, designing a website or showing his work publically. The ooohs and aahs resound when people enter my living room, lined with his paintings. People think he's an undiscovered genius but he lacks the same faith in himself. He bails at the first sign of difficulty, just as he did with our marriage. I believe anything worthwhile requires dedication and hard work. Nothing is ever handed to us on a silver platter. I have in me the desire for greatness but illness too often thwarts my efforts.
"Fear and doubt have knocked me down", I admitted. "I'm down but far from out."
"Good!" Darryn seconds. "Don't surrender. I have worked my ass off to get here. I spent eighteen months impressing these two top entertainment lawyers until they agreed to represent me. They finally did, because of my persistence."
Just as negativity can be contagious, so can positivity and his flame has reignited my own. Now I have a decision to make. I have saved a grand over several months-half of what I need to set aside for the down payment on a small house here on Oklahoma. I am now faced with the opportunity to purchase an incredible new Roland synthesizer with a built in recording workstation for about $2500. I would need to put $1000. down and pay off the balance in $500 monthly payments. This would strap me financially for a few months but it's doable. If I buy the equipment I will have to put off buying a house, or attempt to take the loan without a down payment, which is posible but will mean a higher interest rate and higher payments. If I buy a house, I will not be able to save anything after bills and will not be able to afford such a nice recording system.
"What does your heart tell you do to?" Darryn responds, asked for his advice.
"My heart needs music", I pine. "I have been lost without it. Only when my old set-up broke down and I couldn't afford to repair or replace it did I stop recording. I stopped writing. I stopped performing. I lost a very vital part of myself, and what makes me happy in life." But Christian and I also need a home.... I had determined to try and buy something soon, in an effort to coax Michael back. One of our biggest gripes when we were together was the lack of space and privacy living the way we were. I had been seeking a three bedroom house with a garage so we'd have plenty of room for the three of us, our animals and a makeshift studio for Michael's art. I wanted this for him as much as he yearned for it for himself. I would have given him all that I could, but Michael is notoriously picky and difficult to please and not even my buying a house would have been enough for him I don't think. I had wanted to give Christian a steady home of his own, a bedroom we could paint, a fenced yard and a family reunited-something I recognize as unlikely at this point. What I am looking at is a choice between the practical need for shelter and the finally possible dream. I asked Christian about his feelings regarding the situation and he told me with tears and a smile, "You do what you think is best. It is your choice. If you want to try in music again, I'll support you. I want you to be happy!" How did I get so lucky in motherhood?
What do YOU think I should do?
"How do you keep doing it?" I posed. "How do you keep fighting for it with such a hunger?"
"I am stubborn", he explained, passionate. "I know I can do it. I'm willing to do anything."
Michael is as talented as an artist but he is so easily discouraged and not unlike myself, prone to depression. He makes little effort to develop or showcase his abilities when he could be preparing a portfolio, designing a website or showing his work publically. The ooohs and aahs resound when people enter my living room, lined with his paintings. People think he's an undiscovered genius but he lacks the same faith in himself. He bails at the first sign of difficulty, just as he did with our marriage. I believe anything worthwhile requires dedication and hard work. Nothing is ever handed to us on a silver platter. I have in me the desire for greatness but illness too often thwarts my efforts.
"Fear and doubt have knocked me down", I admitted. "I'm down but far from out."
"Good!" Darryn seconds. "Don't surrender. I have worked my ass off to get here. I spent eighteen months impressing these two top entertainment lawyers until they agreed to represent me. They finally did, because of my persistence."
Just as negativity can be contagious, so can positivity and his flame has reignited my own. Now I have a decision to make. I have saved a grand over several months-half of what I need to set aside for the down payment on a small house here on Oklahoma. I am now faced with the opportunity to purchase an incredible new Roland synthesizer with a built in recording workstation for about $2500. I would need to put $1000. down and pay off the balance in $500 monthly payments. This would strap me financially for a few months but it's doable. If I buy the equipment I will have to put off buying a house, or attempt to take the loan without a down payment, which is posible but will mean a higher interest rate and higher payments. If I buy a house, I will not be able to save anything after bills and will not be able to afford such a nice recording system.
"What does your heart tell you do to?" Darryn responds, asked for his advice.
"My heart needs music", I pine. "I have been lost without it. Only when my old set-up broke down and I couldn't afford to repair or replace it did I stop recording. I stopped writing. I stopped performing. I lost a very vital part of myself, and what makes me happy in life." But Christian and I also need a home.... I had determined to try and buy something soon, in an effort to coax Michael back. One of our biggest gripes when we were together was the lack of space and privacy living the way we were. I had been seeking a three bedroom house with a garage so we'd have plenty of room for the three of us, our animals and a makeshift studio for Michael's art. I wanted this for him as much as he yearned for it for himself. I would have given him all that I could, but Michael is notoriously picky and difficult to please and not even my buying a house would have been enough for him I don't think. I had wanted to give Christian a steady home of his own, a bedroom we could paint, a fenced yard and a family reunited-something I recognize as unlikely at this point. What I am looking at is a choice between the practical need for shelter and the finally possible dream. I asked Christian about his feelings regarding the situation and he told me with tears and a smile, "You do what you think is best. It is your choice. If you want to try in music again, I'll support you. I want you to be happy!" How did I get so lucky in motherhood?
What do YOU think I should do?
posted by Melody at 10:58 AM
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